Wake Up Call

Ever felt like you are in a constant loop, a never-ending cycle of similar decisions? Each year around this time I have found myself gauging the ending cycle. Something that seems like a never-ending chase, the only difference is I can’t quite wrap my head around what I am looking for. Is it change, a new quest, or a new challenge? I know what I promised myself; the image is still fresh. I am still carving the portrait. I guess that’s what life is all about, a never-ending attempt at creating an artistic impression. That is the best lesson I have learned at 27: that we are all creators, each stitched and threaded to create uniqueness. I still remember the date, late December 2022, like it was yesterday. That day has been forged in my heart and soul forever. It was the first time I had an actual epiphany. A lot had happened, and I needed to figure some things out. My friend and I had been on a late evening stroll; it was 5ish. The sun was mild, not very harsh, with a touch of a cool breeze calming the torrents going on in my mind. It was a habit I had picked up, walking and strolling whenever I felt overwhelmed. That has been my way of grounding myself, a very refreshing habit. This day was no different as well. I had a place, a spot I would just go sit and unwind, and I would go back to my place reflecting on the thoughts I just had.

This was something I constantly looked up. Everywhere I have been, I have always looked for a place to unwind. I had just had the most tedious three months of my life, and there were looming clouds that that was just the beginning. This was after my graduation, something I had chased for a full year. The struggle that is in public universities really never lets you know peace. At least, I had gotten that out of the way; now the real battle was starting. I needed to figure out my place in the world. A journey that takes men their lifetime. The first step was always going to be the hardest. A mindset shift was nigh: choices had to be carefully thought out, and belief systems rebuilt from scratch.

And so the journey began, a tiny step; the epiphany had come with an idea. I wanted to write, no more self-talk, just full-on documentation of who I am, where I am headed, and who I wanted to become. And thus, the conceptualization of my blog. I looked around my circle for help, the brainstorming that was. I wanted a trail of my thoughts. I was dead broke at the time, but I have always known that something would give. We started simple; my aim was to turn the blog into a personal diary for the years to come. I wanted the blog to be a reflection of a community based on believing in self. Nowadays, every time I look at my very first article, I shudder at the sheer power of words. I have said this before, that first post encapsulated everything I wanted to try out.

Essentially, what started as a simple obsession of finding myself has become a community, a gateway into minds. Now, it might not be where I want it to be, but I am learning to give myself a pat on the back for giving things a shot. A dreamcatcher. I am slowly watching the vision I had of myself become clearer, and with each step I am becoming that guy. I want to earn my space: I have never been one to run away from a challenge. I want to look myself in the mirror someday and say, Grit and relentlessness, a warrior that doesn’t know how to give up. The plan is to open space for more people like myself: people comfortable at looking their demons right between the eyes and not getting lost in the trance.

How do we measure growth, though, when the most important things or the things you crave the most don’t seem to come? Something like a nice frame, a loaded account, the girl—when does the game get good, really? How long does it take to develop all that? A good lifestyle, a farmhouse, a wife and kids, and an off-road truck for all the seasons. Are the better dreams that hard to attain, or do they require heavier sacrifices? Giving up on everyone and everything to just focus on a singular goal: excellence? To have that unshakeable frame that melts all: firmness and assertiveness. I want it all; I want to know what it takes. Who do I talk to? Which are the right places for such troubles? Growth and personal development are topics that take a toll on most; they birth existential crises in the young and restless and midlife crises in the aging and bold dreamers. I have read books and heard stories from people; I don’t want to make the same mistakes. Yes, I know people start over, over and over again, but wouldn’t it be nice to do it on the first try? Honestly, I’m not regretful; in fact, I am very grateful for how it has all turned out. I want to be more, and that is just what I am looking for: better. I know it can get better.